Free Gifts Do Not Exist
by Aurora Kemanche
Summary: Sarah brings Jareth an unexpected gift after the events in the Labyrinth.
1. The Watchers In the Night

**A/N:** This fic is dedicated to my Anthropology professor who inspired the title of this fic after going on a twenty minute rant of how he hates people giving him last minute Christmas gifts because then he has to go shopping and get them a gift as well as to not seem like a douche since there is no such thing as a free gift.

So this one's for you, Todd.

* * *

"Hey, you guys! King Arthur does not like to be tossed around like a volleyball!" Sarah shouted at the Fireys.

It had been less than an hour after she left the Labyrinth. Creatures that she had met on her run—both who tried to help and trick her—were there, celebrating her victory.

It was fun for all of two minutes.

The goblins, who she had just been clobbering only hours ago, were drunk out of their minds. A few of them had decided to play Scrabble with Sir Didymus, but they would always spell the word chicken, even if they didn't have the right letters. And then the fox would get upset and tip over the board over and say, "whoops." The wiseman had fallen asleep in a corner and was missing half his beard and wearing hastily applied lipstick and eyeshadow. His hat was crying while sitting upon the junk lady's head as she occasionally petted him. And now, the Fire Gang had liberated her stuffed lion from one of the cubbies and proceeded to fling it around the room for entertainment.

Things had gotten a little out of hand.

"Sorry, Lady," a Firey mocked, watching her seize her toy from the air.

"Yeah, we beg 'is majesty's pardon—didn't know he was royalty," guffawed another, hanging from her canopy. His jest caused an eruption of laughter from the rest.

"Stick to throwing your own limbs will you," Sarah growled at them.

"You're one to talk," one grinned as its head sailed over her own.

"Just don't touch my stuff," she threatened, walking away to see if Hoggle needed help. He was currently trying to get back his jewels that had been snatched away by a fairy. Said fairy was sitting on one of Sarah's shelves, dangling his bag of jewels for him to try and grab before she snatched them back out of reach.

"Give 'em back!" Hoggle shouted.

The fairy giggled and shook the bag of jewels at the dwarf, making them jangle to goad him further.

Sarah promptly plucked the pouch from the irksome fairy's grasp, and handed it back to Hoggle with a grin before moving on to find Ludo. Last time she saw him, he had been surrounded by a bunch of hyperactive brownies and looked as if he was ready to summon up his rock friends to squash the little imps.

Her eyes swept over the chaos that was her room, searching for her giant friend, but instead she found the eyes of a white barn own perched outside her window.

So shocked was she by the appearance of the Goblin King, Sarah forgot to breathe. The laughter and voices of the fairytale creatures that surrounded her faded to a low hum at the back of her mind. The owl and the girl stared at each other, unblinking, lost in a space all their own.

And then a goblin flew past her vision.

"Goblin toss!"

"Yeah!"

Sarah ducked as another goblin came flying towards her, and looked up in time to see it land on her bed, crashing into Sir Didymus and his Scrabble opponents.

"Oh, my. What a shame," the fox deadpanned, as the goblins started wrestling one another, sending little wooden letters everywhere.

Thank goodness her dad and Karen were deep sleepers.

Remembering the watcher outside her window, Sarah turned back to find the tree outside her room was now vacant of peeping eyes. Instead another nocturnal thing had replaced the watcher, peering through the branches of the tree like a shy lover as it radiated its crisp glow down from the sky and onto the earth.

* * *

 **A/N (Part 2):** I know this is a bit on the short side, but there will be a couple more chapters coming your way soon.

 **Disclaimer:** I own nothing; however, I used to have a stuffed lion. His name was Mr. Kitty. Please, no jokes. I was five.


	2. Questions of Kings and Would-Be Princes

Sarah surveyed her room with a frown.

Most of the Labyrinth creatures had left, except for Hoggle and a few of the goblins, who were passed out, curled up in various drawers and on top of shelves. But everywhere she looked was littered with remnants of the party. Silly string was plastered on the walls and hung from her furniture like rainbow colored vines. Tuffs of fur, along with odd-shaped hand and footprints could be found every which way she looked. And to top it off, her precious toys and books had been removed from their specific locations and strewn all over the room.

Sarah shut her eyes and took calming breaths to reign in her anger. It was only stuff. She would wake up early tomorrow morning to clean it up before Karen could barge into her room unannounced. Everything would be perfectly fine.

She opened her eyes, feeling much more composed. Then she stepped on her stuffed lion and saw he was covered in grime and smelt suspiciously of ale.

" _Goblins_ ," she growled. And as if in reply, one fitted snug in a cubby hole gave a loud snore.

Sarah sighed. She really didn't have the energy to stay mad. It had been a long day, and she was ready to lose herself to the deep unconsciousness of sleep. Besides, she had all of tomorrow to take out her anger on the goblins and plot her revenge.

"Poor Arthur," she said, carefully plucking the litter from her lion king's mane. She pulled off the party hat that had replaced the king's crown and sat him gently back in his original cubby.

Perhaps she could make up some excuse to get Karen to wash him. Her stepmother was much better at that kind of stuff, and Sarah was sure she would only ruin her toy if she tried to clean him herself.

Over by her vanity, Hoggle waited to say his goodbyes. Sarah had asked him to stay a little longer, so they could talk after everyone left, and he was looking somewhat nervous about their impending discussion.

He's not alone, she thought anxiously.

After seeing the Goblin King outside her window, Sarah couldn't seem to get him out of her mind. There were a few things she wasn't exactly clear on and needed answers. Hoggle seemed to be more familiar with the monarch, so she thought her best bet would be to put her questions to the dwarf.

"Sorry to keep you waiting, Hoggle." Sarah settled down on her chair across from her friend who sat on her vanity, his dumpy legs dangling over the edge. "Did you enjoy the party?"

Her weak attempt at small talk made him grunt irritably. "Now see here missy, we both know what this is about. I saw 'im watchin' us and so did you. You've had that there look on yer face ever since you saw 'im. Now go on. Spit it out."

The girl's shoulders slumped in defeat, and her eyes became imploring. "Look, I know you're not his biggest fan," Hoggle huffed in agreement, "and I don't blame you. With the way he treats you, you have every right to feel that way. But can you forget that for just a moment? I need answers. And I would appreciate it if what you said wasn't clouded by this feud you both have going on with each other."

Hoggle crossed his arms, considering her words. For a moment, she thought he might not agree, so when he looked at her, she gave him her best puppy-dog eyes, and his own stubbornness could be seen receding from the lines in his face.

"All rights, Sarah," he said, resigned. "But I'm only doin' its cuz yer my friend."

Hoggle had never seen anyone smile like that before. He assumed Sarah was smiling because he agreed to her demands, but really it was the first time she had heard him admit to being her friend.

"Well, what d'yah wanna know?" he said impatiently

What _did_ she want to know? She had so many questions. They were all swirling around in her head, no doubt going keep her up late at night to ponder for the rest of her short human years. Who was the Goblin King? What was he? Did he really turn children into goblins? Why did he change clothes repeatedly during their encounters? Was he always that beautiful?

She doubted Hoggle would be exactly forthcoming with an endless barrage of questions about the Goblin King. Best to keep it short and simple.

"You said something in the tunnels. After he sent the cleaners at us—"

"Yeah, I remember. Get on with it,"

Sarah gave him a disapproving look for interrupting her. "Yes, well, what did you mean?"

"Mean what?"

"About what you said?"

"What'd I say?"

"Hoggle."

"Yes?"

"In the tunnels you said, and I quote: 'You sure got 'is attention.'" The dwarf frowned at her imitation of him. "What did you mean?"

Hoggle puckered his lips and drew in his brow.

"Come on. You promised," Sarah said, eyes big and imploring.

"Didn't promise nuthin'."

"You said that you would answer my questions, and now you're not. You're going back on your word. _That_ is breaking a promise," she stated assuredly.

Hoogle's frown grew more pronounced. His friend had become well versed in dealing with Labyrinth logic in her short time there.

He mumbled something incoherently, while lowering his gaze and swinging his feet.

"What was that?"

"I said it were weird," he said, rolling his eyes.

"What was weird?" she asked, insistent.

"The way 'e were actin' 'bout you," Sarah's breath hitched audibly, but Hoggle didn't seem to notice. "Ain't never seen 'im so riled up. Not that you were helpin' yer situation much," he added with a frown, which Sarah returned. "But it was different," he spoke softly. "He don't usually involve 'imself wit runners. The Labyrinth does most a'da work. I or some o'da goblins mostly be takin' care o'da dirty work fer 'im."

So, it was probably safe to say he didn't normally go around trapping runners in crystal ballrooms and offering to be their slave. Still, that didn't mean it wasn't all a trick though. She had won Hoggle's allegiance, and when the Goblin King saw that the tables had turned in her favor, he probably just intervened as a precautionary measure.

Yes, that made sense. That was all that had been.

"And then the rat starts threatin' to turn me in a prince if yous ever kiss me."

"A _prince_?" Sarah repeated incredously.

"Of the Land of Stench," he elaborated.

Sarah couldn't help it. She burst out laughing.

She knew this wasn't the right response to have to her friend's confession, but it was too much. She couldn't believe the Goblin King would threaten Hoggle over something so silly. Well, actually, she could. But still, it was so ludicrous. He acted like a little kid who didn't want anyone else to touch his playthings. Which she really didn't have the right to accuse anyone of, but still. He was an unearthly magical being, and she was a fifteen year old kid—what was his excuse?

The dwarf did not take too kindly to Sarah's outburst. He fixed her with a glare that said all too well that he did not share in her amusement.

"You done?"

She tried to calm herself several times, but she took one look at Hoggle and promptly fell into fits of laughter once more.

"Well, it don't look like you need me no more, so I'll be off," Hoggle said stiffly as he stood up on her vanity to leave.

"No wait," she gasped. "Is that why you were so angry before—when I first kissed you?" She said, laughing through her teeth. "It was, wasn't it." Hoggle only huffed at her.

"Wait a minute," she exclaimed, sobering up from her laughing fit. "That no good, glitter-coated fruitcake sent me to the bog, too!"

"I's expect you only went down cuz you were standin' right next to me," he said, feeling pleased with the change of subject and Sarah's insult.

"Ha, I doubt it," she remarked wryly. "It sounds like he was just getting back at me too, that jealous old loon."

"Jealous?" Hoggle repeated.

"Yeah, jealous," she said miffed and also a little confused. Why would the Goblin King be jealous of Hoggle? It had only been a little peck on the head. He couldn't seriously be envious of that, could he?"

"Hoggle, did he say anything else?" she asked him.

"Jealous..." the dwarf whispered.

"Hoggle!"

His head snapped up at his name. "Huh?"

"Was there anything else he said to you?" she asked wearily.

"Depends," he said, crossing his arms.

"On what?"

"You gonna laugh at me when I tells you?"

Sarah tilted her head and gazed at her friend pitily. "Oh, I'm sorry that I laughed, Hoggle. I promise it won't happen again."

The dwarf scrutinized her, trying to probe her sincerity with his gaze. He must have found something acceptable in her look to assuage him of his unease because his face slackened, and his shoulders slumped in compliance.

"Well, other than threatenin me sum more wit the bog, 'e didn't say much," he said. "But 'e was real intent on makin sure I believed you wasn't really my friend."

Sarah's brow knitted, and she looked Hoggle in his eyes. "You know that's not true. You are the best friend I have ever had, Hoggle."

"Yeahs, I know," he said, slightly embarrassed at the intensity of her words. "I's expect 'e just sayin it so I'ds give you that darn peach."

"Hmm, yeah," she said, thoughtful. "That makes sense."

It was maddening how the Goblin King could go from jealous boy to vindictive king in a manner of seconds. All throughout the Labyrinth he went back and forth between the roles of fairytale king, wish granter, male seducer, and evil villain, all within the blink of an eye. He had more facets than he did outfits. Actually, that was probably an exaggeration. He probably had as many outfits as he did personalities—one to match each persona.

She had never met someone so unpredictable. It baffled her.

People in her world always did what was expected. Babies cried and wet themselves. Children laughed and played fantasy. Adults ignored them and worked. Everything had its order and people lived their lives by it.

The Goblin King didn't play by the rules. He made them up and bent them to his will as he saw fit. It was infuriating. And different. And, well, compared to how the rest of the world decided to run their lives, different was...interesting.

"Well, I best be gettin' back now. Knowin' 'im, 'e'll 'ave extra duties waitin' fer me in the mornin'. Nite, Sarah."

"Goodnight, Hoggle," she said, giving him a hug.

"And should yeh need me..."

"I'll call."

Sarah smiled at her friend, watching him disappear through the veil on her side of the world and into his own.

After sending her friend off, Sarah climbed into bed to allow sleep to take her over into the realm of dreams, where her deepest desires came alive at the very forefront of her mind.

But, before she could lose herself to her innermost wants and wishes, an idea took hold of her. A simple, dangerous, crazy idea that held onto her and would not let go until it was made fulfilled.

And then she fell fast; into a world of magic and deception, where princesses topple kings and villains offer their hearts to heroes.


	3. Redux: I've Brought You A Gift

The Goblin King sat slumped in his throne. The amount of magical energy it took to rebuild his castle had exhausted him. His limbs were numb from the effort, and he couldn't so much as stand without his knees buckling from under him.

With a weary sigh, Jareth opened his eyes to his empty throne room and wondered how much longer it would be before the room was overrun with his subjects. Right now the air was still and silent, and the smell of fresh clay permeated the room. But, he knew sooner or later there would be nothing but the deafening sound of raucous goblins and their squawking pets accompanied the smell of old ale and stale piss to keep him company.

Jareth wanted to enjoy the calm and cleanliness while it lasted.

Perhaps he should ban the goblins from the throne room for good. The silence was peaceful, and he closed his eyes with a semi-contented sigh.

However, the king knew such a decree wouldn't last very long. The goblins were set in their ways, and after so long of using the throne room as their own personal arena, they would be put out and eventually, as well as conveniently, forget all about the new rule.

At the sound of footsteps, light and hesitant, the Goblin King broke from his reviere. Aware that his moment of peace was about to become short-lived, Jareth scowled and silently hoped that whoever it was would leave if he chose to ignore their unwelcome presence.

As the footsteps grew closer, the Goblin King's frown grew more pronounced. Each step made a soft clacking sound as shoes hit the hard stone floor, and Jareth noticed the gait resembled that of a much taller creature than that of the usual throne room occupants.

Curiosity outweighing his determination for repose, Jareth reluctantly allowed his eyes to open. His gaze landed on a pair of dainty black shoes and slid up over a pair of denim-clothed legs with a navy shirt tucked into the waistband, and met with two light green eyes.

* * *

Sarah was currently at a loss of what to say, which was frustrating in of itself because she spent all morning practicing how she was going to talk to him until she realized how ridiculous she was being and finally summoned the courage to call up Hoggle and convince him to help her get back to the Labyrinth before she chickened out. And now that she was here, she was thinking that maybe she should have waited another day or few weeks or just written him a letter. But, it was too late because his eyes fluttered open, and he was staring at her, and she couldn't move or think or breathe, and Sarah ended up blurting out the first thing that came to mind.

"I've brought you a gift."

The Goblin King's expression turned to ice. "You dare mock me?"

 _Yeah, I should've sent a letter. Less pissing your pants involved with written correspondence I hear._

Sarah held up a flimsy white box by a twine cord. "To thank you."

She would have laughed if she hadn't felt he might take her amusement the wrong way. The Goblin King cocked his head, his icy exterior melting into one of utter confusion.

The girl offered a soft smile. "I've always dreamed of magic. Ever since I was a little girl. And you gave me my adventure." A look of comprehension flashed in Jareth's eyes, but his face still showed his puzzlement over her statement. "It means a lot that someone would bother to offer me my dreams—even if it was in exchange for my baby brother. But, I suppose that everything comes with a price. There's really no such thing as a free gift."

His lack of response was making her flustered. Sarah felt the silence closing in all around her, claustrophobia settling in from the weight of the wordless air. Unfortunately, for her, Sarah was of the breed that tended to panic when faced with conversational lulls, which usually resulted in babbling and rapid-fire speech.

"This is weird—I know. We're supposed to be mortal enemies or each other's arch nemesis or whatever. But I totally get it—what all happened. You're the Goblin King. You did what was asked of you. And I wished my baby brother away. I can accept that responsibility. And well, there's a lot of things I'm not exactly proud of that happened, and I suspect you're angry with me for doing a lot of those things, and I do feel the same way about some of the things you threw my way, too (quite literally, I might add), but we were both just doing what was needed to be done, so I suppose this is my way of saying...let's start over.

Sarah took a deep breath, attempting to compose herself. Strangely enough though, her little soliloquy made her feel relieved and emboldened. Her next words were much more soft and flowed from her with an ease that she did not know she possessed.

"The whole run, I wasn't really sure what the hell was going on. I was just worried about Toby and needed to fix what I had done and no one, not even the Goblin King, was going to stand in my way. I hope you can try to understand that because what you said at the end...I'm still not sure whether that was meant as some kind of trick or if it was genuine or what, and I didn't come here expecting an answer for that. All I'm trying to say is that if it was just you trying to win the game or if you can't forgive me for not taking you words to heart during that moment, I understand. And I'll walk out of here, and you can dump my gift in the bog, and we can forget this whole thing. But, if not, I would really like to be your friend—at least try to be."

The Goblin King stared at her with wide, unblinking eyes.

Like an owl, she thought.

He didn't say anything, nor did he make any movements or send any signals to acknowledge that he heard anything she had just said. For all she knew he could be sleeping with his eyes open.

Sarah, disappointed and a little hurt, nodded her understanding—He wanted nothing to do with her. The silent treatment was a little much, but she got the message, loud and clear.

Ready to leave before she ended up spewing a bunch more nonsense he was sure to ignore, Sarah bit her lip and considered the present she still held in her fist.

This whole thing was a bad idea. She did not want to make him angrier than he probably already was at her for daring to stand in his most splendid, glittery, royal presence. Then again, Sarah was never one for ignoring an impulse.

Steeling herself, she walked up to the stone dais, her head held up defiantly while meeting his unwavering gaze. Sarah Williams did not back down.

She placed the flimsy box on a patch of stone work that seemed surprisingly sanitary, looked at the king with an unaffected facade that rivaled his own, then turned and walked away.

She was halfway out the threshold when she heard him speak.

"I was wrong."

His voice was so low and resonated so clearly that she could feel the vibrato run down her entire body, and it made her afraid to walk for fear her legs would give out, and she would come crashing to the floor.

Sarah waited for him to say more, explain his words; and also for her legs to covert back to a solid state. Perhaps, he hadn't said anything at all. Maybe her brain suddenly conjured up his voice so that when she got back home she wouldn't feel so bad and head straight to the icebox where a pint of chunky monkey was there, waiting to comfort her.

It was rather difficult to imagine her own mind conjuring up that tone of voice though. So when she heard him speak again, there was really no doubt it was him talking.

"You were more than a match for me, Sarah."

* * *

Jareth felt his heart catch when the girl sent him a dazzling smile over her shoulder, dark hair fluttering and eyes shining, and then sauntered off.

 _Yes, much, much more._

Before he could begin to process that entire exchange, and the fact that he sat there like some mute fool and the way she smiled at him when she left, Jareth noticed the box she left and felt something akin to excitement.

He studied the package, wondering what it could possibly be. The box was a perfect square, not so large that he could not hold the parcel in one hand. It was made of a material that was light and unstable, so the gift itself could not be so delicate if it was placed a contraption that was not sturdy enough to keep it safe from harm. Whatever it was, it wasn't heavy either. There was mass, but it had an odd weight to it.

Unable to restrain his curiosity much longer, Jareth pulled on the twine string and let the corners of the box fall down around a single slice of cake that was topped with a small frosted peach.

He laughed.

* * *

 **A/N:** I know I've done something similar with the "you were more than a match for me" line in another one of my fics except this time GK is admitting it, but I swear every time I watch that movie, and he says _you no match for me, Sarah_ , I'm all "that's what you think buddy! Kiss his ass, Sarah! Show 'em who's boss!" Obviously I'm very pro-Sarah. On that note, I feel that this community is very lacking in the badass!Sarah department, which needs to be remedied ASAP.

Anyways, this fic was originally written for the sole purpose of the soliloquy in this last chapter that Sarah makes. I couldn't sleep one night and all I could think of was _'What would Sarah say to the Goblin King if she could go back to the Labyrinth on her own terms and there not be any repercussions for her'_ and this was what happened.


End file.
